What the h? - Not to Brag. Twitter

Posted on 20. Apr, 2009 by Administrator in Lifestyle

by Derek Waters

Not to brag…

Our country is setting world records in the financial department, homeless department, and depression department. No matter what business you’re in right now, we are all being affected. But I believe the bigger problem right now is a website called Twitter. The problem is people are thinking other people care what they have to say, or what they are doing. Hey, I’m not saying some people don’t do some cool, interesting things that I do wanna hear about. But, I like to hear what they are doing, from them, in person, on the phone, or even an old fashioned text message. It makes me sad that people feel it’s important to let others know that they’re getting a haircut, or are running late to a Jimmy Buffet concert.

I don’t want anything more than to one day have a nice family. However, I don’t want my future kids to find it important to let others know what they’re doing. It would upset me for them to feel as if anyone cares. I would just hope he or she knows that it’s just a way to brag, and is just a way to make others feel important. With this in mind, I decided to launch a Twitter investigation.



Derek looks, and walks toward about eight different people on their laptops. Derek gets closer, and hears, “Leave me alone..What are you looking at? Stop looking at me.” Then, Derek tells them he’s doing an article, and wants to know what they’re doing. All of the sudden Derek has to pick which of the eight he wants to interview – he chooses Chris (who has Twitter up on his computer screen.)



Can you explain to my readers what Twitter is?


It’s a new website, to let people know what you are doing. Chris points out, and shows Derek the people he “FOLLOWS” and the people that are “FOLLOWERS” of Chris.

Derek’s inner voice



“Follow” means, I follow these people, and see what they are doing. My “FOLLOWERS” are the people that are following me and want to see what I’m doing.



Awesome! Derek’s inner voice: This is really sad.



What does it say you’re doing now?


Chris (pointing to his Twitter page, reading)

“Getting my morning coffee on, and banging out my movie script!”



Oh you’re writing a movie? That’s awesome.



Trying to, just gotta come up with the beginning.


Cut to: EXT. COFFEE SHOP IN LOS ANGELES (RHYMES WITH COFFEE SHEEN AND BEE TEETH) Derek sees a GIRL (25), writing on her Twitter page. Derek sits next to her with his pad and paper.



I see you like Twitter. What are you doing? (Derek looks at her Twitter page, and he can see it says, “Just got out of the shower…gonna watch a movie in my PJ’S…I’m lonely.”)



That’s not what you’re doing.



No shit.



Why would you write that?


Girl (Whispers) 

Like anyone would care, that I’m at COFFEE “SHEEN AND BEE TEETH” thinking about my ex-boyfriend while some guy’s lying to me telling me he’s writing an article, trying to impress me.


Derek’s inner voice

Check please.



Check please. I’m not lying, or trying, but anyway, I’ll leave you alone now. Have fun in your PJ’S.


Derek walks to another table, where there’s a guy asleep, and sees the dude’s laptop is on. We see his status reads, “I’m passed out from last night at some coffee shop, I hope people can’t smell the alcohol on me.”


Derek’s inner voice

Finally an honest man. Might not be the best thing he’s doing right now, and most people may not care, but at least he’s telling the truth.


So what have we learned today? Don’t believe everything you read, and if you really want to know what someone is doing for sure…call them or send them an old fashioned text. It might help you have a better relationship with the ones you love. I know we are in a time of change, but let’s not lie in this time.


Derek opens his laptop and changes his status on Twitter to, “Just did an article about Twitter, Now people will care about me! Yay!”

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4 Responses to “What the h? - Not to Brag. Twitter”

  1. Jason

    23. Apr, 2009

    I couldn’t agree more. Twitter is the example du jour of people’s desperate need to feel artificially connected with the rest of the world. Hopefully it passes soon. I never thought the word tweet could be so annoying. Great take.

    Reply to this comment
  2. maile

    25. Apr, 2009

    i prefer the word “twit” myself…

    Reply to this comment
  3. Bathroom furniture

    17. Dec, 2009

    Good ideas, thanks for putting this on your blog.

    Reply to this comment
  4. Rose

    15. Jul, 2010

    On Monday morning, in the office at work, I was unknowingly walking around with one of the legs of my pin stripe trousers tucked into my bright pink sock. I momentarily considered tweeting it :\

    I think I’ll be deleting Twitter, like I did with the rest of my social networking accounts, with the exception of WordPress. I don’t see the attraction of being accessible all the time! In fact, I strive for the opposite! And asking someone to follow me on Twitter? I did it just once and it made me feel incredibly Faustian!

    Ya know the way Danny in Withnail & I says that all hairdressers work for the government and that hair are your aerials and they pick up signals from the cosmos and transmit them directly into your beain. I think it’s the same with status updates.

    Reply to this comment

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