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What the h? - Not to Brag. Twitter

Posted on 20. Apr, 2009 by Administrator in Lifestyle

by Derek Waters

Not to brag…

Our country is setting world records in the financial department, homeless department, and depression department. No matter what business you’re in right now, we are all being affected. But I believe the bigger problem right now is a website called Twitter. The problem is people are thinking other people care what they have to say, or what they are doing. Hey, I’m not saying some people don’t do some cool, interesting things that I do wanna hear about. But, I like to hear what they are doing, from them, in person, on the phone, or even an old fashioned text message. It makes me sad that people feel it’s important to let others know that they’re getting a haircut, or are running late to a Jimmy Buffet concert.

I don’t want anything more than to one day have a nice family. However, I don’t want my future kids to find it important to let others know what they’re doing. It would upset me for them to feel as if anyone cares. I would just hope he or she knows that it’s just a way to brag, and is just a way to make others feel important. With this in mind, I decided to launch a Twitter investigation.

INT. COFFEE SHOP IN LOS ANGELES
(RHYMES WITH “BAR BUCKS”)

Derek looks, and walks toward about eight different people on their laptops. Derek gets closer, and hears, “Leave me alone..What are you looking at? Stop looking at me.” Then, Derek tells them he’s doing an article, and wants to know what they’re doing. All of the sudden Derek has to pick which of the eight he wants to interview – he chooses Chris (who has Twitter up on his computer screen.)

Derek

Can you explain to my readers what Twitter is?

Chris

It’s a new website, to let people know what you are doing. Chris points out, and shows Derek the people he “FOLLOWS” and the people that are “FOLLOWERS” of Chris.

Derek’s inner voice

Wow.

Chris: 

“Follow” means, I follow these people, and see what they are doing. My “FOLLOWERS” are the people that are following me and want to see what I’m doing.

Derek

Awesome! Derek’s inner voice: This is really sad.

Derek

What does it say you’re doing now?

Chris (pointing to his Twitter page, reading)

“Getting my morning coffee on, and banging out my movie script!”

Derek

Oh you’re writing a movie? That’s awesome.

Chris

Trying to, just gotta come up with the beginning.

Cut to: EXT. COFFEE SHOP IN LOS ANGELES (RHYMES WITH COFFEE SHEEN AND BEE TEETH) Derek sees a GIRL (25), writing on her Twitter page. Derek sits next to her with his pad and paper.

Derek

I see you like Twitter. What are you doing? (Derek looks at her Twitter page, and he can see it says, “Just got out of the shower…gonna watch a movie in my PJ’S…I’m lonely.”)

Derek

That’s not what you’re doing.

Girl

No shit.

Derek

Why would you write that?

Girl (Whispers) 

Like anyone would care, that I’m at COFFEE “SHEEN AND BEE TEETH” thinking about my ex-boyfriend while some guy’s lying to me telling me he’s writing an article, trying to impress me.

Derek’s inner voice

Check please.

Derek

Check please. I’m not lying, or trying, but anyway, I’ll leave you alone now. Have fun in your PJ’S.

Derek walks to another table, where there’s a guy asleep, and sees the dude’s laptop is on. We see his status reads, “I’m passed out from last night at some coffee shop, I hope people can’t smell the alcohol on me.”

Derek’s inner voice

Finally an honest man. Might not be the best thing he’s doing right now, and most people may not care, but at least he’s telling the truth.

So what have we learned today? Don’t believe everything you read, and if you really want to know what someone is doing for sure…call them or send them an old fashioned text. It might help you have a better relationship with the ones you love. I know we are in a time of change, but let’s not lie in this time.

Derek opens his laptop and changes his status on Twitter to, “Just did an article about Twitter, Now people will care about me! Yay!”

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Tags: Twitter, What the h